* I've read about "surviving your first year with twins" and it made me think about that word. Yes, the beginning was definitely about survival. It was a never-ending cycle of feeding and sleeping, and contrary to my naive beliefs, those two things don't necessarily just "happen." :) There have definitely been rough spots, and I don't think I ever told anyone but I cried the first week after Erin left. I still am so thankful that I had her help the first three months, because I don't know how I would have gotten both boys fed without her; she was a sanity saver. But yes, in the beginning there was some crying and questioning whether or not I could do it, and feelings of isolation. After a bit of a learning curve though, we got a good routine going and started getting more continuous sleep and it's been about a lot more than just survival. And it was never the babies; it was always me feeling inadequate as a new mom. Their sweet smiles, precious little breaths, soft skin, chubby hands, giggles and babbling...they are little miracles and we are truly blessed by how good they are!
* Things I miss from a year ago: I miss being able to go to movies whenever we want. I also miss going out for nice dinners, but we have generally been able to take the boys out to eat, so I don't miss dining out as much as the movies. Maybe it's just the freedom of being able to go out on a whim that I miss. But honestly, that's about it. My life is still a hundred times richer than it was a year ago.
* I am amazed at what the human body is capable of. Sometimes I'll look at Jonathan and gush over how awesome the human body is. I mean, I carried two babies for nine months, grew them inside my belly, birthed them, and fed them for a year. That we can create breastmilk that completely nourishes our babies is just amazing to me.
* I am learning to be more flexible and patient. I thought I was patient before; I've always worked with kids, and with special-needs kids, so I really thought I had an abundance of patience. But throw a couple of babies who refuse to eat at me and I'm suddenly a crazy woman who throws bottles in frustration with tears streaming down my face. This year has taught me that I really have very little control in life, and it's up to me to be flexible and roll with it. So I'm definitely getting better at accepting things I cannot change, not to mention improvising when plans go awry, as they are wont to do with two active little boys to corral. :)
* We eat home-cooked meals soooo much more than we used to. I really had no choice but to start cooking, if I wanted Ben & Jack to get all the food groups they are supposed to have each day, which I do. So it's made me branch out, learn new recipes, figure out how to use a slow cooker, and basically have meals ready to go instead of eating out or ordering in. I never really enjoyed cooking much, but I'm finding that it's easier to cook for a family, especially if we are eating left-overs, and I am actually gaining a lot of satisfaction from providing well-rounded meals for my boys.
* I love my husband (even more). Jonathan had no choice but to be a hands-on dad from day one. We have frequently talked about how much more involved he is with our boys than he might have been with a singleton. Even though it was hard because neither of us really got to sleep in ever, or take a feeding off those first few months, it's been nice to spend that time together and feel like a team. We make a pretty good one :)
* One year later, and I feel like I'm finding time for myself again. I've missed my own pursuits, like working and scrapbooking, but I've also found other creative outlets like this blog and the one-year slideshow. Those have been fun. Life is a little different now, and finding a balance between all things baby and me-time will take a little time, but it's the best life I could imagine.
So happy one year Ben & Jack. You've given me the gift of becoming a mother, and made me a better person for it. I can't imagine my life without my silly, sweet baby boys.
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